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Brilliance Abounds (Week 15)

Brilliance Abounds (Week 15)

parenting(6.3.13-6.9.13)

Brilliance from this week:

“Hubs . . . I have an idea.”

“That’s dangerous.”

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“Don’t bite my butt while I’m swaddling him!”

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“Hand me that boc . . .”

“Did you just call a box a boc?”

“I didn’t have the energy to pronounce the x.”

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“I bought security cameras for my office.”

“Why?”

“Somebody stole ten dollars from my desk.”

“How much were the cameras?”

“Several hundred.”

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“. . . Remember when we climbed that water tower?”

“No.”

“We did. It was dewy and all the stars were out. And we made out.”

“No, no we didn’t. But thanks for confusing me for one of your other boyfriends.”

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“Little Man is trying so hard to sit up! It’s like feeble attempts at sit-ups with intense grunting!”

“Another thing he got from me.”

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“Happy anniversary/Mothers’ Day/birthday. No, read the card before you open.”

“Can I open the box now?”

“Did you read the card?”

“Yes I love you too thank you so much!”

“Open.”

“Omigosh! They’re so pretty! And my favorite–amethyst!”

“Because it’s Little Man’s birth stone. Said that in the card . . .”

“Do the earring backs pull or twist off?”

“Twist. Like it said in the card.”

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“I don’t usually but skim cards, then I read them more in-depth after I open the gift.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Seriously. I love my earrings. Thank you so much. I’m going to get you some. Some earrings and ink so you can get a tattoo and we can be all matchy-matchy.”

(blank stare)

“Do you still want to be married to me?”

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“I was back to my pre-preggo weight, but now I’ve gained a couple pounds. Who knew five extra daily bowls of cereal can do that to you?”

“Look at this. Look. I’ve never been so heavy. Look at these ten extra pounds!”

“Well, run.”

“I’m getting up at 5 AM to run tomorrow. I am. Before work I am.”

“I believe it. It’s been an event on every day of your calendar for the past two years. But I believe it.”

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“Doc, we think he’s teething. Check his gums.”

. . .

“Please check his gums. He’s only three-some months, but we think he’s teething. Check his gums.”

. . .

“PLEASE CHECK HIS GUMS HE’S TEETHING!”

. . .

“My! Do you see these three teeth trying to break through! My! He’s teething.”

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“It’s a spider . . .

I absolutely HATE spiders . . .

It’s a spider with babies . . .

It’s a spider with babies on her back . . .

Oh my gah. Who am I? I can’t kill that thing!”

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“Consider it doctor’s orders: Let him get frustrated. When he’s trying to roll over or sit up or achieve a milestone like that, it’s okay–necessary–to let him get frustrated. That’s life.”

“But I want him to be a strictly Happy Baby . . .”

“I think it’s less about his always being happy and more about his knowing somebody’s there through everything–the happiness and the frustration and tears.”

“Oh man. Man, that’s good. Deep. You’re right.”

(Little Man Grunt/Cry at trying to roll over. Mommy quickly scoops Little Man up and doles out kisses and coos.)

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(Cousin’s pillow accidentally gets nudged an almost imperceptible amount)

“DON’T DISTURB MY NEWBORN!”

“. . .You could have just said baby.”

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“He kicks his legs so frantically when I set him down for a diaper change. Kicks like crazy. And he makes all sorts of sounds when he looks in the mirror. He smiles and ‘talks’ and stares through his lashes at the baby in the mirror.”

Former Mennonite Gma: “Are you writing these things down? In your baby book? Tucking it away so he can read it someday?”

“No. Yeah. It’s all online.”

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