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Q & A

momOn Epic Mineral Beauty, our high-micron, titanium dioxide-, mica-, bismuth-, talc-, etc.- free mineral makeup, go here.

On the twins, stay here:

 

What’s your name?

Fred and my twink is Zeke.

No, really.

Buttercup and Cupcake.

You were a teacher?

Yes.

A good one?

Most days.

Did you talk like you talk on here?

Every day. Just sometimes I kept it in my head.

What does Zeke do?

Wins over throngs of fans by just smiling. The Good Twin. Her nursing background that gives her the aptitude to tend to brain injuries to Brainless Twin Sister gets her points beyond her genuine, uncussing smile.

Why Twins With Tykes?

Twins happen when two sperm fight and neither wins—they have to share the coveted egg. Tykes, separate tykes, happened to these twins when—well, I hope your parents filled you in on the birds and the bees. If not, please remove advanced technology from little paws and go ask Mommy or Daddy to read you Charlotte’s Web or go watch a Disney movie that has a lot of perverted mind manipulation embedded in it that you won’t know about until you’re old enough to understand what perverted mind manipulation is, at which point you might still not know that Disney is disgusting and laced with perverted mind manipulation.

Now I’m going to go watch The Little Mermaid.

Why did you start this website?

I was knocked up, had quit teaching, and realized I was telling too many people about how my cat produces over sixty unique sounds on any given day. It was time to do something with my time, even if it meant waste it more efficiently.

What kinds of dogs do you have?

Angels. They’re all angels. Who poo at the rate most inhale and bark and hack fur balls and deliver carnage to my porch.

familyTruman is a lab mix, who was found under an abandoned house’s porch in a snowstorm. My husband claims Truman is his dog, as he raised him when I had to go home for a summer between college semesters. The two do have a bond I’ll never touch.

Trudy, the Beagle, was adopted from the same humane society, albeit she was born in a little pink flowered basket atop a warm dryer and it set her expectations pretty high from day one of her two-pound adoption.

newborn

Trixie was born hours away, which explains why she circled ten times and laid a deuce on the new Toyota interior, but not why she’s carried that horrifying memory with her timid Border Collie self so long.

baby

As is the case with many a great relationship these days, Tucker was discovered online. This sucker drove ten round hours on a work day to deliver his motion sick patchy flea dermatitis cuteness to his forever home where she could rinse off the upchucked kibble she accidentally stuck her hand in.

The photo that made me give Husband an ultimatum: We get another pup or-- You don't want to know.

The photo that made me give Husband an ultimatum: We get another pup or– You don’t want to know.

Hobble scratched his one front leg on my doors and demanded this be his home. Then he got cradled everywhere and told how handsome he was to the point that he forgot his shitty previous owners and guards his invisible crown with unparalleled ferocity.

weird family

Thor (my cat/dog—cog) was carried to the door by Tucker. He obviously possesses other-worldly powers.

Zeke has two goofy German Shepherds—her Sheps—and I realize I totally didn’t go on about her dogs at the rate I did mine. I better give them a call and apologize, brb.

new parents

 

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