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Poopfest! (Week 17)

parenting

(6.17.13-6.23.13)

I need to dispel some crappy truth before I sum up the week, Little Man. This story here was the highlight–I’m thinking yellow, a dirty yellow–of the week:

I’ve told undoubtedly enraptured readers about your crapping a mere once a day because your digestive system is rather normalized, more big-person status. Sure you’re proud of my broadcasting that. But anyway. With this, I anticipate a sizable puddle of yellow in one, maybe two, diapers each day (you still pee in them about eight times a day, out of them about half that frequency). Usually the crapping occurs between 1 PM and 6 PM, and the other day when I heard your belly gurgling post-suckling session, I was on it. You were on the changing pad, butt clean, so I expertly scooted a diaper under your bum, and BOOM.

Or however a fart sounds.Read more »

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People Know Everything (Week 16)

parenting

(6.10.13-6.16.13)

I have a friend. Believe it.

Maybe I have a couple, if you count those of blood relation. (Please do, please.) Anyhow. I’ve gotten some resounding unasked-for advice lately from friends and blood-that-counts-as-friends-because-I-need-a-bigger-friends-list that goes as follows–

–stop cussing;

–chill out;

–sleep;

–SHOWER;Read more »

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Face Boobs and Severe Twin Violence (Week 12)

parenting

5.13-5.19

Hello, hello, our readership that numbers more than Mom! (I know–WOW, right?)

Google Analytics is amazing, people. It pretty much is the only aspect of Big Brother that I  don’t mind. I feel like the great and powerful Oz; I can see who is anonymously reading what and from where and what kind of device and how long they’re reading what they’re reading and what kind of underwear they’re wearing while sitting and reading what they’re reading from where and what device.

Kidding.

Anyway.

Maybe I would do well among the Illuminati, after all . . .

KIDDING.

Anyway.

I pale in comparison to this HILARIOUS madre (woah Spanish!) who has some first-rate freakazoids landing on her page, but mention-worthy search terms that have gotten readers to this model of sagacity this week include the following:

  1. severe twin violence;
  2. bear claw cousin;
  3. little man has boobs on his face.Read more »
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