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Yeah Nobody Told Me About This Crap (Week 13)



In effort to help other moms and the future mom-again in me (gulp/forehead smack/resigned sigh–not because of your perfection being absolutely unbeatable but because the natural labor is still so palpable in my mind, Little Man.), here are some things I believe that don’t get told to new moms, either out of ignorance, forgetfulness, or good manners. Or, perhaps out of my so-told lack of the latter, I simply don’t recall being told.

But first let me jot down some facts about this week, Little Man:

  • Your bowel movements have suddenly gone from an average of about 94082 a day to……………………………1.Read more »
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Face Boobs and Severe Twin Violence (Week 12)



Hello, hello, our readership that numbers more than Mom! (I know–WOW, right?)

Google Analytics is amazing, people. It pretty much is the only aspect of Big Brother that I  don’t mind. I feel like the great and powerful Oz; I can see who is anonymously reading what and from where and what kind of device and how long they’re reading what they’re reading and what kind of underwear they’re wearing while sitting and reading what they’re reading from where and what device.



Maybe I would do well among the Illuminati, after all . . .



I pale in comparison to this HILARIOUS madre (woah Spanish!) who has some first-rate freakazoids landing on her page, but mention-worthy search terms that have gotten readers to this model of sagacity this week include the following:

  1. severe twin violence;
  2. bear claw cousin;
  3. little man has boobs on his face.Read more »
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Cheerleaders Can Be SO MEAN (Week 11)



ZEKE: But don’t you usually reserve the “To: Little Man, Love: Mommy” section to writing to Little Man?

FRED: Yes. But I need some perspective here.

ZEKE: Go to the freezer.

FRED: No, not ice cream. I need perspective from my twink. And I need you to be like you were that one time when we were seniors, in cheerleading, and the little underclassman said–

ZEKE: Stop right there. I’m perfectly pissed and ready. Let’s go.

FRED: Do you have your fists up? I’m imagining you on the other line with your fists up.

ZEKE: Did I have my fists up when that little underclassman said–Read more »

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